October 17, 2021

Being a Parent Isn’t Easy…But It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

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Being a parent isn’t easy…but it doesn’t have to be difficult. There are natural laws that define healthy development and relationships for our families. Three of those principles are: Attachment Principle; Autonomy Principle; and Balance Principle.

    • The power of the Attachment Principle makes parenting easier and creates a secure child.
    • The power of the Autonomy Principle makes parenting easier and creates an independent and self-confident child.
    • The power of the Balance Principle makes parenting easier and creates a well-regulated and happy child.

“How does the Attachment Principle make parenting easier, you ask?”  It is the foundation that supports everything that follows between you and your child. When we emotionally bond with our newborn (generally between birth and 18 months) and are available to meet all of their dependency needs (physical, emotional and social), they attach to us. When this attachment is strengthened and becomes dependable (we become their secure base) our child is motivated to explore their surroundings independently, knowing they can always return to the secure base for comfort. Without the power of this natural principle our child develops insecurity, disorganization and dysregulation. This can be the start of many unintended consequences of negative behavior and poor emotional control. But, with this powerful healthy attachment all of the next stages are so much easier, especially with behavior management.

 

“So, how does the Autonomy Principle make parenting easier? Isn’t that the ‘Terrible Twos’ that we hear about?” That’s right! Somewhere around 18 months to two years-old our toddlers become much more motivated to do things by themselves. This is the “supreme power” that you, as parent, pass on to your child…the power to begin to choose wisely and do for self. The child’s mantra is, “Help me do it by myself.” Some of our kids seem to hit this stage on “steroids”, while others are tamer. It takes a lot of energy as a caregiver to help toddlers learn how to do for themselves; but we must continue to strengthen the attachment, which generally helps them to be more compliant and better behaved. This is when they begin to learn how to control their own behavior. Yea for us! An independent and self-confident child learns how to self-control much easier than a dependent, insecure child. This pays huge dividends for healthy family living. It is worth our time investment and our patience to help them develop autonomy.

 

“Ok, how does the Balance Principle make parenting easier and what does it have to do with the first two principles? I’m starting to see a pattern.” Exactly! There is a definite pattern with natural principles. Balance is the principle that brings order to disorder. Every system depends on this powerful rule. As parents, we are our child’s primary teacher of this principle. We model balanced living which produces order or unbalanced living which results in chaos and brings disorder with our own personal choices. Our child internalizes their external world, so a balanced and well-controlled family environment will become our child’s inevitable self-control. If we’re using natural ways to bring balance into our family life, our child tends to naturally internalize it. Secure attachment, independence and self-confidence, along with the ability to balance (self-regulate) are natural ingredients for healthy family living. Living this way creates order and orderly living is much easier and more fun than disorderly living.

 

To find out more about how parenting―which is arguably the most challenging job―can become easier, pick-up a copy of Becoming a Power Parent: Seven Guiding Principles for Creating a Healthy Family (www.amazon.com; www.barnesandnoble.com).  Parenting is not easy, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. There is no cookie cutter approach for making parenting easier. But, there are natural principles, when understood and applied that will bring order, health and predictability to our family living. The most diverse families can all find the health and peace that naturally comes from these truths. Until next time, “Claim your power and expand your dreams.” ~Dr. B

About Dr. B

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Comments

  1. nellehester says:

    I saw you on great day SA and would like a copy of your book 🙂

  2. gabrielsilva210 says:

    I was so captivated about what you spoke about on Great Day SA and would love more information about it

  3. andiebaker says:

    I saw u on great day sa and would love to read your book

  4. mataparent118 says:

    Hi Dr. I Saw You On GoodMorning SA And Am interested In Your Book. Thank You.

  5. Saw you on Great Day SA…good information about parenting

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